The True Cost Of Your Dreams: An Uncensored Personal Story
"I won't just survive. Oh, you will see me thrive"
--Katy Perry "Rise"
I have no desire to lie to you.
I have no desire to mislead you in any way or to make you think I’m something I’m not. Although I do love social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram I am under no delusion that the perfectly cropped and filtered images I post or see are “real life.” They’re not. They’re split-second fragments of our days and in no way do they represent the full picture. Our lives are so much more complex than our selfies.
What I’m about to tell you is what you don’t see on my Instagram account. This story is what you don’t “Like” on my Facebook page because this story was never documented in photos (like so many difficult moments rarely are.) Had I not chosen to write this, you would never even know this happened to me because when shit hits the fan I’m not out there taking pictures of my problems, I’m dealing with them. Although this story I’m about to tell you is a bit embarrassing I have no shame in admitting this truth to you because it is part of my journey and it too, deserves a stage.
Before I get into this, I want you to know that I am equal parts a sum of my successes and my failures. I am who I am because I’ve failed the way I have but also because I’ve succeeded in the way that I have.
What I’m about to tell you happened less than a week ago and it taught me several profound lessons that I now wish to share with you.
5 Days ago on November 2nd I totaled my car with my 4 year old in the back seat.
"This is no mistake, no accident. When you think the final nail is in, think again. Don't be surprised I will still rise."
--Katy Perry "Rise"
It was one of the most horrifying experiences of my life and I wouldn’t wish this experience on any mother-or any person for that matter. The only reason I’m choosing to be transparent about this very private event is because of the lessons that ensued after the accident.
If you are able to benefit from the lessons of this experience, then this story is worth telling.
Lesson #1) Your dreams will come at a cost. And Life will make you pay.
"You will not negotiate. Just fight it, just fight it. And be transformed."
--Katy Perry "Rise"
Being an entrepreneur is really, really, really hard. 90% of small businesses fail within their first 3 years of inception. Odds are totally stacked against us dream-chasers like you and me. Your dreams will come at a cost and you have to be willing to pay up or move on. And even if you do chose to move on to different dreams, just know that every dream, no matter how big or small will come with a price tag. The price tag that came with my dream has been stress, overwhelm and financial hardship. I have to find daily solutions to reduce my stress levels, manage my overwhelm and cope with our financial strains. I understand the true cost of my dream and I am willing to work hard and pay the premium for it. But I am not invincible. The day of my accident, I was feeling extremely overwhelmed and stressed that our account was yet again at zero and that I still wasn’t producing enough in my business to make a significant financial contribution to my family. I was feeling aloof and unfocused and naturally, my driving was not at its prime. I was driving in horrendous stop and go traffic to DIA (Denver International Airport) to pick up my mom when all the sudden the car in front of me came to a complete stop and I was not able to stop my car in time. I slammed on my breaks but my car kept sliding until I hit the bumper of the car in front of me. Am I saying I got into this accident BECAUSE I’m an entrepreneur? NO. Absolutely not. I am not blaming my challenges on my choices. What I am saying is that because I deliberately chose a different, more difficult path that requires higher than normal levels of exertion I am not always performing at my peak simply because I am putting a ton of daily strain on my mind, body and spirit. There is only so much tension you can apply to a branch before inevitably, it snaps. This event although horrific, was a much needed reality check for me that was long over-due.
The lesson here is this: Every dream comes with a price tag and the price tag on your dream will probably suck. Just like a Louis Vuitton purse comes with a lofty price tag that will probably put a dent in your pocket for several months, the price tag on your dreams is probably going to put a dent in your life for several years. The key here is to acknowledge and accept that your dreams will come at a cost. As long as you’re willing to stop at nothing and pay the premium that needs to be paid, Life will move heaven and earth for you to make sure your dreams become your reality.
Lesson #2) There is a divine balance in life you simply cannot fudge with
"When the fire's at my feet again and the vultures all start circling, they're whispering, 'You're out of time' but still I rise."
--Katy Perry "Rise"
While my totaled car was being lifted onto a tow truck off of I-70 and Chambers I got a text message from Jeff saying he had just made his FIRST substantial return on his investment. What are the odds that on the same exact month, day and hour that I totaled my car, my husband had his first ever real estate investment success?
I knew I had two choices: I could chose to believe that the Universe was conspiring against the success of my family OR I could chose to believe that life is always happening for us, not to us. I kept asking myself over and over, “What is the lesson in all this?” And quite simply, I think the lesson was this: Everything in life comes and goes. There is a never-ending ebb and flow to life that we simply cannot tinker with. Every day there are births and deaths, weddings and divorce papers all over the world happening at the same exact time in totally different locations. Just like winters and summers come and go, leaves fall and new ones grow in, there is this sacred balance to life that no matter how hard we try, we simply cannot f*ck with. This rule of course, holds true to our personal lives as well. While Jeff and I did take one step forward in the direction of our financial dreams, we also took one step back on the same exact day. And this is ok. I came to peace with this realization because I am not about to argue with The Divine and challenge a sacred balance that has been around eons before I have.
The lesson here is this: There is a superior wisdom far above your own that does things in a way that might seem annoying or extremely inconvenient to you. The key here is to learn how to TRUST the process so that you can learn the lessons you need to learn in order to achieve whatever it is you’re trying to accomplish. Acknowledge that this sacred ebb and flow of life applies not just to our oceans, but also to our own very personal and intricate lives.
Lesson #3) Optimism is always a choice. Drink wine don’t whine.
"I must stay conscious, through the madness and chaos. So I call on my angels they say, 'Oh ye of so little faith don't doubt it, don't doubt it. Victory is in your veins. Don't doubt it, don't doubt it..."
--Katy Perry "Rise"
When shit hits the fan, you basically have 2 choices to make: You can whine or you can drink wine. In other words, you can choose to feel miserable about your misfortune or you can choose to find the lesson that is embedded in every hardship and express gratitude for the newfound strength you will gain. The day after I totaled my car, Jeff, Liam and I choose to celebrate Jeffrey’s success instead of focus our energy on my misfortune. We deposited Jeff’s check and ate at Macaroni Grill.
P.S. The person who wrote Jeff's check obviously has a sense of humor (notice the name on the envelope).
PPS. My husband is 1,000,000X better than Trump. Just wanted to throw that out there.
Afterwards, Jeff took me on a surprise date to the Denver International Food and Wine festival. We had a fantastic time together and I felt extremely proud of the fact that we chose to focus our energy on our blessings and abundance instead of our misfortune. We could have chosen to bitch and moan about the hassle of buying a new vehicle, we could have fought about the accident, or mourned the loss of my car but instead we chose to celebrate Jeff’s real estate investment success and we sealed our evening with optimism and love. Life gave us a choice to whine or drink wine and we chose the latter. Obviously.
The lesson here is this: Life happens. Life doesn’t care about all the events on your Google calendar. Life only cares about its own higher agenda and this agenda is far more complex than yours. When things don’t go your way, don’t throw a tantrum. Choose to see the lesson in every hardship life gives to you. Keep moving forward with a relentless sense of optimism and express gratitude for your newfound strength. Choose to stay positive even through your hardship and know that Life IS on your side.
All in all....
Totaling my car 5 days ago sucked. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely wasn’t all zen and reflective when the police officers were writing my citation on the side of the road and I was ugly crying in the driver’s seat and apologizing over and over to my son who was in total shock. But all the lessons that came to me after the accident were too valuable not to share.
Mama, I hope you realize that just as much as it is my mission to empower moms like you to raise a business and a baby it is also my mission to be completely transparent about my journey. I want to inspire mothers to become #bossmoms because owning your own business means you gain back control over your life and your babies. But this path is not without its challenges. This path does come with a lofty price tag and I want you to know exactly what that price tag is (at least from my perspective). I have no intention of lying to you. I want to make that very clear right now. I will always be transparent about this journey because you deserve to know the truth. You deserve to know the good and the bad of being a #bossmom. I think that’s fair, don’t you?
Know that even though I’m shaken from this experience, I will not stop doing what I do.
I will keep fighting for what I believe in and I will continue to support you by being transparent about my experience and walking my walk and talking my talk. I see #bossmom growing into a community of millions of mothers all over the world who are supporting each other and adding value to their entrepreneurial journey and their personal lives. And you know what? Even if the #bossmom community is only 1 person deep and this mission empowers and helps only 1 mom, this entire experience will not have been in vain.
Thank you for being a part of this community and thank you for bearing witness to my own painful, but amazing #bossmom journey.
Besos Bella Mama