Irrefutable Proof That The Universe ALWAYS Has Your Back
I want to share with you a story I haven't even told my mother. It is a story so painful and so private I rarely like to talk about it. But today I want to share this story with you because it needs to be told. My story is proof that life is always happening FOR you and not TO you. This subtle mindset shift has allowed me to live in peace knowing that everything in my life good or "bad" is exactly as it needs to be.
2 years ago I had one of the most visceral and traumatic days of my life--second only to seeing my father in a casket. Nothing will ever surpass the trauma of seeing a deceased loved one for the first time but this particular day came pretty damn close.
Two years ago I was sitting in the parking lot of a Hertz with a rented car and a very jaded soul. I hated life that day. I yelled and screamed and blamed some higher power for everything that was wrong in my life. I was angry at everything and everyone but I was especially angry at God. I was convinced that He was somehow conspiring against me and intentionally going out of His way to make my life a living hell. That day, I felt like I had officially lost control over my life and the moment you feel you lose control, you basically lose your shit. My husband and son were with me that day but only momentarily. I couldn't bear to have them witness the anger I needed to release. We paid for my rental car, I slammed the door and sped off. Almost immediately I started screaming in my car. I screamed and made horrendous primal sounds I hadn't even made the day I gave birth. The screams were so loud and the anger I felt was so fierce I thought I might actually give myself a brain hemorrhage.
There were a huge series of events within an 10-year period that led up to this horrendous release of anger:
My controversial young marriage at 18 that almost no one approved of and everyone criticized
My inevitable divorce at 21
My parents' 8-month separation that almost ended in their divorce after 23 years of marriage
My unplanned pregnancy at 22
My father's sudden death during my pregnancy
The weight of the regret I carried for not having the humility to speak to my father after a fight we had (the last time I saw him alive we had a fight)
My severe postpartum depression after having a baby I wasn't financially or emotionally prepared to have
Living with my mom, my new baby, my new husband, my new home and my new depression all under the same roof for 3 long years.
Dealing with the stress of finishing college with a baby
Watching my youthful body get covered in stretch marks overnight
Having to quit a job I desperately needed because my boss was a crazy bitch
Crashing the only car I had while working for said crazy bitch
Not having a car for 6 months because we couldn't afford to buy one
FINALLY buying a car after 6 long months only to have the engine literally explode only TWELVE DAYS after buying the car
Having to quit a new job I actually liked and had JUST gotten hired for because my car engine exploded and I suddenly didn't have reliable transportation
Having to pay $185 for a rental car when we were already living paycheck to paycheck
Fast-forward to me screaming in the rental.
I was pissed. Actually, I was beyond pissed. I was fucking raging.
Why?Why had all of this shit happened to me in such a short period of time? What was the purpose of so much pain? Why was the pain so intense? Why now? Why ME? Why like this?
I had dozens and dozens of questions I screamed at God that day; half-expecting him to answer and apologize for putting me through so much bullshit. After about 25 minutes of solid screaming and crying I finally deemed it un-safe for me to continue driving. I pulled into the first parking lot I saw and just sat there. Crying, screaming, crying, screaming...
After about 30 minutes, I became numb. I just sat there, staring blankly at my windshield thinking nothing, feeling nothing, saying nothing. After about 10 minutes I finally realized where I was. I had parked in a school parking lot. It looked like a high school parking lot because there were some kids jogging on a football field and they looked like teenagers. I saw them begin to jog towards me so I turned my car on and pulled away. I didn't want them to see me crying. As I did a loop around the parking lot and drove towards the exit I suddenly saw a big colorful archway that caught my attention. The archway had a wooden sign hanging below it that read
"Doorway To Abundance."
I immediately slammed on the breaks.
If there is anything I'm actually pretty good at, it's listening to my intuition. I've always trusted the higher power that gently guides me and that day, despite my rage, was no exception. I parked my car again and got out. I walked toward the sign and just stood below it. Doorway to abundance? I knew it was a sign, but I couldn't tell if God was being satirical or serious. I walked through the metaphorical doorway of abundance and entered into a beautiful, lush garden. It was filled with growing veggies, bright flowers and tons of fluttering butterflies and bees. It was beautiful, quite stunning actually. I ran my fingers through the plants and a small smile began to creep across my face. That day, some inner wisdom far more intelligent than I will ever be, told me that it was necessary for me to go through all the pain I experienced in order to receive the abundance my family and I were desperately searching for. In that moment, I knew seeing that wooden sign was no coincidence. I was meant to see it. That sign was proof that despite my pain, I was exactly where I needed to be.
Fast forward to summer 2017. It's been 2 years since that day in the parking lot and while I can't say things have been totally peachy for us, our life has definitely shifted in the direction of our desires. In the 7 years Jeff and I have been together, we've been tested in more ways than I care to remember. Our entire relationship has been one massive test in resilience and there have been times when I thought Jeff and I were finally ready to quit. There have been days when the pain was so intense, the bills were stacked so high, our dignity had dropped so low, and the bags under our eyes had sunk in so deep, I was positive we had finally reached our limit. But that limit never came. Our "limit" just kept extending. We kept going and going and going until one day, we finally received the sign I had been looking for since my massive meltdown two years ago.
On Saturday July 22nd 2017 The Universe gave me irrefutable proof that it always has my back.
Jeff and I had decided to go for an afternoon walk together in our neighborhood. We walked down a new trail we had never been on simply to explore and have fun and we ended up stumbling upon one of the greatest gifts we've ever received. Off in the distance, Jeff noticed this enclosed patch of land with a fence and asked me
"What do you think that is over there?"
"I don't know, let's go check it out" I responded.
We walked towards the big green patch in the distance and as we got closer and closer we noticed it was a garden. It was a community garden just like the one I had randomly stumbled upon in the parking lot a couple years back.
"Should we go in?" Jeff asked.
"Sure let's go!"
As soon as we walked into the garden, I saw it.
Bright and clear, right at the entrance of the garden was a sign (literally a wooden sign) that read:
"Fin Del Arcoiris"
The sign was in Spanish (which I think is no coincidence because I speak Spanish) and translates to:
"End Of The Rainbow"
I immediately knew seeing that sign wasn't a coincidence and tears started to well up in my eyes.
"Baby, what's at the end of a rainbow?" I asked Jeff.
"A pot of gold" he answered "Everyone knows that..."
That wooden sign was God's way of signaling to me that we had finally reached the end. All the pain we had experienced, the suffering, the scarcity, the depression, the death, and the destruction was finally behind us. The 7-year hardship we lived through was finally over and there was a "pot of gold" waiting for us to retrieve it.
As Jeff and I walked around the garden we were in complete awe of its abundance and beauty. The garden was only a 5- minute drive from our home but we had never seen it before! How did we miss it? As we walked around the garden we eventually met the garden leader, a kind and gentle woman named Linda. She was wearing a large garden hat that shaded her smiling face and her hands were completely caked with fresh dirt.
"Hi, we're just looking around" I said to Linda.
"Welcome!" She responded. "Stay as long as you'd like."
Linda ended up giving us a tour of the community garden and showed us her two garden plots-- both very lush and well taken care of.
She turned to us and said,"You know, if you're interested, there's this plot I've been taking care of and I would love to pass the responsibility on to someone else. Taking care of 3 plots is getting a bit overwhelming for me because I still work full-time."
She walked us over to the 3rd plot she was taking care of and explained to us that the gentleman who owned the plot had moved and she had been taking care of his garden ever since. His garden was lush, too and filled with organic veggies ready to harvest. Jeff and I looked at each other in disbelief.
"Yes! We would love to adopt this plot!"
She told us we would have to pay a $65 dollar fee to cover water and fertilizer costs but other than that, the garden and all of its harvest was ours.
Our jaws literally dropped.
Jeff and I have been strapped for money for longer than I care to remember so after Linda told us about the fee, we told her we would go home to discuss it but by the time we reached our car, there was nothing to discuss. We wanted the plot and we didn't care about the fee. We rushed home, I grabbed my credit card and we drove back to the community garden. We walked over to Linda and I held out my credit card and said,
"We would love to adopt the plot. Here's my card to pay for the fee."
Linda turned towards us and said,
"You know what, it's ok. Don't worry about the fee. The plot is yours."
Jeff and I were speechless.
Had we seriously just been gifted an organic veggie garden for FREE?!
Jeff was beaming. He loves to garden and totally has a green thumb and I was beyond thrilled to adopt a garden that would help feed our family with fresh, organic veggies grown only minutes from our home. The garden fulfilled so many needs for our family in one fell swoop.
The garden would provide:
Free, organic food for our family
A strong sense of community
An opportunity for us to volunteer as a family (the community garden offers multiple days to volunteer during the month)
A valuable learning experience for Liam
A fun family activity we could do together every day
A way to bring us closer to the earth
Peace and relaxation after a long day at work
An opportunity for us to be outdoors and soak up the sun
And best of all, the garden provided a feeling of ABUNDANCE after living through so many years of scarcity
As of writing this, my family and I have been reaping the harvests from our garden for over a month. In addition to enjoying some edible harvests, life has provided many abundant monetary harvests for us as well. After 6 successful weeks of running a lemonade stand this summer, Liam and I profited over $2,000 and used a portion of his profits to take a 1-week family vacation to Disneyworld and Ft Lauderdale. After our incredible vacation, Liam started Kindergarten and received a full scholarship which meant we didn't have to pay for his tuition anymore. Jeff started a new job that pays more and is much less stressful than his previous job and I landed an amazing job opportunity that totally caters to Liam's school schedule and allows me to drop him off in the mornings, pick him up from school in the afternoons and work from home on the days he's sick or is on school break.
For the first time in the 7 years that Jeff and I have been together our life is finally starting to fall into place. And for the first time in ten years I've finally understood the purpose of all the pain I experienced. It literally would have been impossible for me to experience pleasure, joy, happiness, fulfillment, contentment, abundance and peace had I not FIRST experienced hardship, depression, unhappiness, scarcity and pain. I needed to become so broken that my only choice was to re-build myself from scratch so that I could become the person I was meant to be, and accomplish the things I was put on this earth to do.
So what does all of this have to do with becoming a #Bossmom?
The pain I experienced over the course of 10 years was necessary for me to evolve into the person I am today, and the person I am today, is infinitely stronger than the person I used to be 10 years ago. I needed time to develop the strength, character, wisdom and confidence necessary to catapult my life to the next level. Today, I stand as the BOSS of every single area of my life--not just my career. I am the CEO of my health, my actions, my choices, my habits, my lifestyle, my fitness, my marriage, my parenting, my home, my finances, my dreams and my time. Becoming a #Bossmom was about so much more than just building a business and making money. Becoming a #Bossmom was about accepting complete ownership over every single area of my life, even the not-so-glamorous ones like our debt.
I wanted to share this testimony with you to prove that regardless of how much pain and devastation you've experience in your lifetime, it is all part of some higher purpose you aren't meant to understand in the moment. Eventually, when the time is right, you will understand why you went through the pain you experienced and everything will begin to make sense. But in the eye of the storm, it is difficult to trust that some higher power is guiding you and looking out for your best interest. But trust me, it is.
And TRUST your path.
Regardless of how painful your path was, is, or may become in the future, your path is yours to walk. Own it and walk it with dignity because your path was gifted to you for a reason. Even if your path is bumpy and it's not linear like everyone else's take ownership and pride over it anyway. And please, if your path becomes so long and unbearable you feel like you can't walk it for another second, remember my story. As long as you keep walking your path and decide to never quit, you too will eventually reach your
Fin Del Arcoiris
And the gifts you find there will be even better than a pot of gold. I promise you.
Besos Bella Mama